Sometimes in the blogging world I think there can be a decent amount of back patting. We don't like to show the negative sides of things, we only showcase the good. It can bother me. I want to be real. I don't want to be constantly trying to post about how great I am, how I'm such a good mom, how happy we are (back patting). You are all my friends, here's what is really going on with us.
We're tired. I completely forgot how tired you are with a newborn and Peter does not sleep. Really. Peter has acid reflux. It's pretty bad. No, he's not throwing up constantly but he does have constant acid in his throat and unless he is being held upright it will bother him. For his naps I have to strap him to my chest using a complex wrapping system to keep the acid down. If I didn't do this, he would only sleep for 20 minutes. I feel like I'm pregnant again. I always said that I feel like I'm pregnant longer than 9 months because I have to take fertility pills that simulate the feeling of pregnancy and now it looks like I will be carrying Peter for another few months until this passes. So it looks like I'm going to feel pregnant for almost 2 years.
We're cooped up and bored. This isn't for lack of people offering to have us come over or just have Roxie come play. I'm so grateful that people are willing to have us come over but with RSV season being so bad this year (my neice just got it) we don't want to go anywhere. That's the last thing Peter needs. I'm like a caged animal. I hate being home all day. I'm social. I like to be out.
The only solace I've had is going to my Moms as much as my conscience will allow. Most of you know that my mom had 10 kids. That's right, 10. She's seen it all. She's dealt with Colic, fussiness, acid reflux, pretty much everything. I've never respected her more than I do now. I don't know how she did it but I thank her for it. Going to my moms has been my sanity. Roxie loves her and so do I. Thanks mom.
Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better around 3 months but what if they don't? Don't misunderstand me. I love Peter. I love my kids. Things are just tough right now. I'm constantly looking for that silver lining and the other day when Peter drunkily smiled into my face, I found it.
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17 comments:
Honestly! I've been thinking about this a lot lately- why I feel this pressure to pretend to something other than myself, good and bad. I have to keep remind myself to just be me and let everything and everyone else feel how they're going to feel about it.
I was pretty pissed at the end of the first month with Lincoln that all I ever heard about being a mom was how wonderful it was. I felt like I had been duped by Young Womens. No one tells you about the days when you put some desperate thought into just walking out the door. I don't know how you are doing it with all the reflux and another kid who needs you, too. You're a good mom, Carrie. I'm realizing more and more that this first part is really just about surviving.
And for silver lining: a few days ago I suddenly realized that I had a lot of fun with Lincoln that day- we played and laughed and there was very little crying (none by me even!). And then I realized it was three months and two days since he was born. The Skipper was right.
Good luck with the Pete. I'm thinking about you.
call me.
i can't find my cell so call home!
Roxie was so cute the other day. I asked her about her brother. I asked her what her brother's name is (I already knew). She surprised me when she said, "Duckie." Then she clarified and said, "Duckie Peter". She is such a doll.
I am sorry that Peter has reflux. It is such a nightmare.
Love you Carrie. It really will be okay eventually. It might not happen at 3 months but it will happen. And I can PROMISE that you won't remember how hard it was in a year or two. It stinks that he's going through all this during RSV season so you can't get out at all. At least your mom is there. Just hang in there.
Oh Carrie! I miss hanging out with you at the park!! I'm sorry to hear you're getting some cabin fever (and that you're super exhausted).
We'll see you in two weeks!
At book club last night we started talking about how much we dislike cleaning and cooking and the diaper changing...there is enough poop to last a life time...but it is nice that most everyone feels the same way for a season...you're not alone, although it stinks to feel caged!
Thanks for the honesty :) Motherhood literally made me crazy, and it definitely threw me for a nice big loop. It seemed like for years and years all I wanted was to have a baby, and then she came - and it was SO HARD. Nursing kicked my trash. The sleep deprivation turned me into someone mean and weird. I hated my husband. I was shocked that I could love and resent my tiny precious baby...SO MUCH at the same time! It took 4 months for it to pass. Maybe I had postartum, I dont know. But it was really really tough. Brigitte was a screamer (they told us colic was to blame) and she had to sleep with us for 6 weeks. I nearly lost my mind. So just know, that you are not alone, and eventually the caged animal stage eases up! Have you ever heard of a 'NapNanny"? It might work for Peter, check out this link:
http://www.napnanny.com/the_napnanny.html
Hi Carrie, I hopped over here from Kat's blog. Just wanted to add my 2 cents and let you know you're not alone. My second (also a boy) was born 2 weeks after we moved to Michigan....in January. So RSV was a very real threat, I couldn't go anywhere (partly because I didn't want to take him out and partly because I didn't know how to get anywhere yet and didn't know anybody). I had a 20 month old daughter needing me too. My son had struggles with nursing...I saw the lactation specialist for 4 months! He also had reflux, but my doctor didn't believe it since he didn't puke. It was finally my lactation consultant that convinced my dr to put him on meds. He was 4 months old when that happened and became a totally different baby.
But unfortunately it was too late for me. I was already in post-partem depression. I didn't get sad like a lot of people. I became totally apathetic. I didn't CARE about anything, including my family. I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for my daughter when she got hurt. How sad is that? I'd go through the motions and hug her and kiss it better, but I didn't really feel bad for her.
I realized that this was a serious problem around the time my son was 8 months old. I saw my doctor who wrote out a prescription. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have gone on the drugs (I never felt like they did much anyway). I would've seen a counselor instead. What I really needed was to TALK to someone. Especially without the worry of feeling judged, which can be hard sometimes. I finally started to feel better around the time my son turned a year old. I think my hormones finally started to even out and I also became more social about that time....I let myself get to know other women in the ward and neighborhood.
Looking back, I actually wish I had a wrap for my son. Even though it makes you feel pregnant again, it really is a saving grace. If my son wasn't being held, he was crying, and even then he was still crying in my arms a lot of the time. I got NO sleep the first few months. That's enough to make a person go insane right there. There's a reason they use sleep-deprivation as a torture for enemies.
So while this comment may not make you feel any better about your present situation, just know that it WILL end at some point. And if you start to feel like you need help before then, just know there is help to be found. I wish I'd done something sooner.
Also, the transition from 1 to 2 kids was by far the hardest for me. I'm now pregnant with #5 and they've been quite easy since #2. :)
Ahhhh! That felt good! I was just talking to my sister a couple days ago about how I feel like people are fake on their blogs. I don't really mean fake, but when all you write about is peaches and cream I think you are a liar. I really write blogs for journal purposes, and I don't want my posterity thinking that my life was perfect because then when they have hard times, which they will, they will think they're not as good, and I think that's a sham. Everybody struggles in different ways. Sometimes when I read peaches and cream blogs I want to reach through the computer and smack somebody. I think my problem with it is that I am brutally honest ALL the time and I feel like people should be honest with me. I love and value your honesty SO much. I haven't had hard babies, but I'm sure I've had plenty of struggles that you haven't had. The key is knowing that this is your trial. I know you and I know you are doing everything you should be doing and that this is not punishment, it is simply a trial that will have an end. Pray, pray, pray! Pray aloud. I really think prayer is the best therapy. It's hard sometimes talking to people about it becuase you know they don't really know what you're going through, but if they'll just listen and not judge, then talk. I know that will help. Carrie, I love you like mad and I promise you this too shall pass. Maybe not when you want it to, but when it's supposed to. I know that's not so comforting, but it's the truth and I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Life really sucks sometimes, but just think of how much stronger you'll be because of this and how you will be able to help and understand some people in ways that many of us cannot. You're a rock star, just keep rockin' on!
I wish we lived closer. I would come take a shift. I hope you can get a sitter even if it is just a short while, just to get out. When it comes to feeling like caged animals, boy do we know how you feel. Chat with Mimi, I think she might have some ideas as well as lots of empathy. We're thinking about you guys. nutinbutlove.
I am not really sure why we live parallel live, Miss Carrie! My little Ryker has pretty much been sick since he was born, and he is now 10 months. He had reflux. I found this awesome pillow that is sloped and they can sleep on their stomach strapped in. Saved my life.
People can say it will get better all they want... sometimes it is hard to believe when you are smack in the middle of it, like us! Sometimes it makes me want to hit them. That will be nice when it ends in a month or two, but I need a nap now!!
I honestly and sincerely feel for you. Trust me. I hope today is a good day... we'll have to see about tomorrow!
May the force be with you!
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Check it out.
Have you tried some meds for the acid reflux? My daughter was on Previcid for a while, it helps. talk to your doc about it.
Well put friend! I'm sad yo hear you have another baby with acid reflex. Girl, I FEEL you!!! I shared your pain once, except I only had one & now you got two. Gosh, I have a strong feeling this will be my fate as well once we deciede on baby #2 . And I'm scared!! Thanks for keeping it real! Heavens knows this is what I need to read, not anyone telling me how awesome it's gonna be because I'm sure it will be but I need to know about the real stuff too. Girl, I'm sorry! I love you & once again thanks for being honest. These are the blogs I enjoy to read most. Take care, & hang in there.
Brigitte found her thumb at 6 weeks when i finally roller her over and put her to bed on her tummy. She was such a high strung, screaming baby ALL THE TIME and never slept for more than 20 minutes, that I tried putting her on her tummy to sleep as a last resort. Boy was that a miracle. She found her thumb like instantly - AND slept through the night that same week. We were doing the tea like 4 times a day before that and totally stopped afterwards. Shes been a little gem since then. Try putting peter on his belly for brief periods of time (if the reflux allows it) and see if he finds his thumb! We didnt teach brigitte how, and it might be genetic since I was a thumb sucker....but who knows! I hope things start to get better soon!
AMEN LADY!!
I get pumped up just to go to the grocery store!!
Have you tried the wedge?? I know a lot of reflux babies were put on wedges in the hospital. You could make your own- Mia slept on a wedge for her first 6 months of life. I don't think it was necessary for her, but it was nice that I didn't have to lean over that much more.
I just keep telling myself I have to make it to the summer!!! Outside... NO RSV scares, less germs, and some Vit D!!
I think it is good to let it all hang out on the blog. It's a good outlet (for me anyway).
The good thing is... he is super super cute!! he won't be this much work long.
Summer... summer (say it with me).
Oh no Carrie! Viv had acid reflux and I remember vividly one day when I just couldn't take it anymore and I was on my knees crying on the phone to Rob pleading for him to come home from work to give me a break. The crying is tough--they no napping is even tougher. I'm so sorry. You're right, it does get better, but I feel your pain. And I appreciate your honesty. Ah, how I miss you Carrie. New plans in the pipe, though. May be neighbors sooner than we thought. I'll have to make a phone call and fill you in. Love you!!! Hang in there. I can't even imagine! :( At least we were able to go outside with Viv. You are a super trouper. Give Roxy hugs for us.
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